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first_imgI’VE always liked the Constitution for it is the backbone of this great country of ours, but if the area that needs to be amended is the part about free speech. For if certain people are going to avoid the half nelson, the chokehold and other wrestling moves, then the limitations on free expression cannot be limited to slander, libel, not yelling “fire” inside a crowded theater and other such things. To the woman ahead of me in line at the clothing store that day: If you want to wear jeans with slits instead of back pockets, then that is your business, but at least be sure to wear the appropriate undergarments underneath. You are in fine shape, woman ahead of me, but you are lucky that I do not have a condition that causes me to blurt inappropriate things out. Because if I did, I would have said something like “nice cheeks,” but I didn’t because a combination of fear, decency, self-discipline prevented me from doing so. But you must remember that some people don’t have anywhere near this healthy combination, and you could find yourself in some fine trouble one day. So my advice to you is this: Buy a needle and thread and sew them up. Or save them for an intimate dinner. To the man driving behind me who wished me cancer and a premature death for turning left into that driveway: I am sorry I did not signal my intentions, but I was afraid I was heading straight for the Hollywood Hills never to be seen or heard from again with an ever-fading cell phone signal by my side. My only hope is that your brain chemistry will continue to go downhill, and that your next incident will be in front of some guy with a shaved head, gold teeth and a jail record. But when that happens, I will be long gone, relocated to the Amazon to live peaceably among nature and the animals. As long as no one is wearing any funky jeans or T-shirts, then we should all get along just fine. Gail Tzipporah Saunders is a San Fernando Valley writer.160Want local news?Sign up for the Localist and stay informed Something went wrong. Please try again.subscribeCongratulations! You’re all set! AD Quality Auto 360p 720p 1080p Top articles1/5READ MOREChargers go winless in AFC West with season-ending loss in Kansas CityBecause if most women shopping in a women’s clothing store in the middle of the afternoon want to look at another woman’s backside, then we can always go home and look at own cellulite-ridden ones. To the woman behind me in that same line with the “F- New York” T-shirt. Was that really necessary? I know that we all have had bad experiences with certain people and places, but is that any reason to diss an entire city and try to kill its tourist trade? Last month I made a mistake with a credit card and tried paying from the wrong account, so they tacked on some unseemly charges and canceled all but one after many phone calls. But that doesn’t mean that I went out and printed a “F- the Bank” T-shirt to express my thoughts and views. I thought it over, vowed to type more carefully in the future and moved on. So leave New York City alone. New Yorkers are having enough problems already with overcrowding, recent floods and an ex-mayor who probably won’t get to be our next president. last_img read more